"Now I'm Wondering Why I've Kept This Bottled Inside"

I know I said I would use this blog to talk about me coping and working through all my problems, and I suppose in a way I still will in this post...but at the same time, I know I'm branching off for just a second. Oh well.

My best friend moved today. For most people, that's depressing in and of itself. For me, it's still really depressing. I'm the type of person who, while I make a lot of friends, doesn't make that many good friends. And the few that I do make, I still only let in to varying degrees. Knowing that, I've only had two really good friends so far in my life. They are the two people that I have gone running to when I have an awful day and feel like doing something really stupid; they're also the people who I go to after I do end up doing something really stupid because I know they're not going to judge me. They know every single thing about me, and they don't hate me, which some days is really surprising.

I left the first person back at home when I came to school, but he's always there when I need him, although I've been so wrapped up in all of this that I haven't really talked to him in awhile. But he understands and still loves me.

The other person just moved away today, and I love and support her with what she's doing. I also know that now I'm going to have to find a new way of coping that does not involve running away and hiding on her couch, pretending the world doesn't exist.

I'm not sure if I told her before she left, but...she's the closest thing I've ever had to a sister that I can remember. Yes, I do actually have sisters, but they're older and we're not close. My closest friends are the people who I choose to be part of my family because there are days, lots of them, where I don't really like most of the family I was born with. So, in this blog, I'd just like to say that I love her, I'll miss her, and I'll keep moving on and coping because I know that's what she wants me to do. That and if I did something stupid without her here, or because of her, she would kill me dead.

Eventually, I'll get back to all of the ideas I had while I was Internet-less, but this is really all I can manage for now.