My family was in town the past few days. Came up to bring my brother to school. I had friends who kept checking on me to make sure I was okay, one of them even called witha fake fried-emergency in case I needed a break from family drama. I didn't, but that's okay.
What is messing with my head the most right now is...my roommate actually liked my dad. None of my friends who have met my dad after I have told them what went on at my houseb actually liked him. They couldn't get past what I told them and my feelings about him. But my roommate thought he was a nice guy who really does care about his family, just doesn't know what to do to take care of them. And I know she's right, but I'm struggling to see that in everything I've been through.
On top of that, I was fixing some stuff on my brother's Facebook and was looking for miscellaneous family members to send requests to when I saw one of my brothers. Specifically, Ben: the brother my family has ignored the existance of since I was three. And it scared me. It scared me to have a visual reminder that he's not in jail. It scared me to see that one of my sisters has accepted him enough to have him on her Facebook. And it scared me that he could easily find my brother and get in touch with him because the only ones who know the full story are my parents and I. And probably my grandparents.
Between having my dad around for two days and then seeing Ben on Facebook, I can't help but look at who I used to be, before all of this happened and I spiralled downward into depression and self-deprecation. All the things that happened because I let situations control me and my life.
I'm not sure which part scares me more.
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