"But It's All Getting Old"

I don't care how many scientists claim that crying is good for you and helps release pent up emotions...it's not fun. Personally, I get no joy from crying. It's almost painful, especially when I start crying and know I can't control it, which means I have to leave the room and walk past girls I see on a fairly regular basis. More emotions on top of the already fragile state that is me. Add to that the knowledge that every single girl in that room with me (totalling maybe 20) knew I left because the subject we were discussing was directly related to me and that I was crying.

I hate crying.

My mental and emotional breakdowns never occur when I'd like them to, they're conveniently inconvenient almost 100% of the time. And once I get started, it's very hard for me to stop. Floodgates have dropped and are locked in place until I get at least half of it out; but even the slightest thing could set me off again. Which means that the girls who I know were trying to make me feel better by hugging me after the meeting only served to nearly make me cry again. Honestly, I wish they'd just let me eat my brownie in peace. Brownies are good. They help me. Although hot chocolate would be even better.

Note to self: keep hot chocolate in stock all year.

Since I got back from my meeting about...10 minutes ago, I've been debating whether or not to call one of my friends and ask a favor: namely, her babysitting me for a bit so I don't start crying again. This particular friend knows a fair amount, she never asked for details and I never offered, but she understands enough. Right now, she's the only one I can go to physically. My roommate is busy taking care of her boyfriend, and my best friend is in Florida. Worse and worse options.

Being who I am, however, means that I won't call this friend and ask her to come watch something silly with me (most likely Beauty and the Beast because it's her favorite and we have it) and bring her ice cream. Instead, I will sit on the couch, eat a really big cinnamon roll with a glass of milk (sadly, it doesn't do quite the thing hot chocolate does for me but oh well), and find something online that hopefully won't make me cry.

Lovely.