"Feel a Little Bit Brave"

Last night, I made a big step. Big for me, at least. For other people, it probably wouldn't be that big a deal. I mean, all I did was voice my opinion to my mother. Easy, right?

Not for me.

Ever since I was little, I knew that I should keep a lot--if not all--of my opinions to myself when it came to my dad; it was easier that way because I wouldn't be disagreeing with him, even if I actually did disagree. My mom has always been another story.

She's much more easy going than my dad is, and she lived by that same rule when it came to my dad. Most of the time. When she didn't, they would fight. Or rather, dad would yell and mom would try to voice her opinions without making it too much worse. Usually, she wasn't that successful.

I love both my parents, but I have always gotten along better with my mom because of this. Which also meant that I was really hesitant about disappointing her. Let's face it, life is easier when you're on good terms with your parents. So, I tried really hard not to argue with her, to keep my differing opinions to myself and go with whatever flow she happened to be on. And some days, that sucked because I really didn't agree with what she was saying. But I was the good daughter and didn't argue or disagree...to her face.

All summer, my mom has really been pushing the idea of having my own small business so I could be self-sufficient and not depend on her or someone else to support me. In theory, it's great; I like money, it's fairly important in this world. So, I put on my interested face, went to meetings, talked up products, wheedled and bullied friends to get on calls that I honestly didn't care about...and it was exhausting. The only part I liked was the products I got out of it because they were helping me be healthier, and I tend to have issues trying to be a healthy college student.

This is why last night was such a big deal. Mom had been reminding me that there was a conference call for the new business (called 360) and said I needed to get on it.

I didn't.

When she sent me a text asking what I thought, I stared at my phone for a good five or ten minutes trying to come up with an "excuse" for why I didn't get on the call before I decided to bite the bullet and be entirely honest with my mom, possibly for the first time in the past six years. I told her that quite honestly, I didn't care about the business end. I liked the products, I would use the products, but the rest of it just wasn't me. And last night, I went to bed slightly worried because she hadn't answered.

This morning, all she said was she was thankful for my honesty and that she just wants me to be able to take care of myself.

So yeah, maybe saying "Hey, I don't want to do this" isn't a big deal for most people. But I feel good about it.