I thought about it.
I thought about it as wrote that last post.
I thought about it as sat on my bed watching Grey's Anatomy.
I thought about it when took my second shower of the day (hottest possible temperature).
I thought about it when I walked down to my friends' room before their choir concert.
I thought about it when I walked down to campus for dinner.
I'm thinking about it now.
About sharp needles and some form of blessed release from how feel so that can bock it all off, shut it away until I feel ready to handle it.
But I didn't.
No, instead, took my hot shower, shaved, put on some makeup, straightened my hair, put on some pretty clothes, and left my room. And I'm going to got to the concert, put on a smile, and give one of my best fucking performances ever a the awards tonight. And then will go back to my room, cry, and think about it some more.
But at least I'm only thinking about it.
**For the record, I wrote this yesterday shortly after the first post, but I did it on my phone and it wouldn't let me post. I'm in a blissful state of denial and avoidance right now and focusing on my brother's current choice of girlfriend.**
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