"This Bitter Pill"

Today one of my friends asked me how I was doing; I responded: "kfhgfkjfwdjfdknfvhifjnfefnfbfv"

My brain has died.

And that's the upside of my day.

Today I went to math for the first time in a whole week. I was so behind, had no idea what was going on, and had to go speak to the prof afterwards about what happened to me. I wanted to cry ( I have issues with authority figures). It isn't the only class I'm having attendance problems with, but it is the more important of them.

Part of it is that I have no desire or motivation to go to class aside from certain classes being absolutely necessary to me graduating. Joy. But it's more than that. More mornings, I have no desire or motivation to even attempt living. I would be entirely content to just lay in bed and sleep all day. I lost like 6lbs so far because I barely have an appetite. I try to go to bed before 2am, but end up staring at the ceiling, get bored, and get back on my laptop. If I actually do manage to fall asleep, I don't feel rested when I wake up. I have three different alarms set, and I don't pay attention to any of them. I actually slept through all of them one day without noticing it. And the only reason I have a smile on my face when people see me is because I'm entirely dependent on carbonated caffeine and pain killers. Joyous.

I'm very tempted to ask some of my friends to call or text me shortly after my alarms go off and keep going until I drag my butt out of bed. Not sure it would do much more than piss me off though...

I just have problems.