"And I Know These Voices Inside My Head Are Mine Alone"

I have this habit of having conversations in my head that I know I will never have with the actual person its directed toward. I say what I feel without editing it, and I plug in what I feel/want that person to say. I literally just had one with an imaginary version of one of my exes. It went something like this:

Me: I really don't like you. I may not hate people, but I dislike you enough to be right on the edge of it.

Him: So you're saying you dislike me so much that if I was in the hospital about to die, you wouldn't come see me or be worried?

Me: I'd come to your funeral. But only so I could pour a beer over your grave and light it on fire.

Right after that, I realized that, if I didn't have any self control, I probably would have told him that at some point. Then it hit me. If I didn't have the amount of self control I do, what would stop me from acting on my impulses and continuing my addictions?

There are days where that's all I can think of. "I really want to do____", or "I really wish I had____". So what exactly is stopping me from just doing it? Some of it is probably that if my friends ever found out, they'd kill me. We could also include the hours of psychoanalysis from my therapist which would follow any and all addictive acts. But what's stopping me?

If I had the answer to that question, I'd tell you; but I don't. One day, maybe I'll figure it out. Until then, I suppose I have to be content with the fact that there is something stopping me.

Stopping me from being stupid. Stopping me from hurting myself.

Stopping me from going back to him.